Divorce Characteristics

By now you know my parents divorced when I was ten after at least a rocky ten years and who know how many more before that.  As much as I thought it didn’t effect me it did.  I thought because I was used to being with my grandparents that it never bothered me.  My life was better than, but it didn’t start to haunt me in my teen years and then again when I had my children. 

Back in my small town back in the day, there were not very many kids with divorced parents.  So a year after my parents divorced the school started this club for kids of divorce.  Mind you there was me and like one other girl whose parents were actually divorced.  The other girl never knew her father and another girl had a father who was killed before she was born.  They gave us this tacky name Banana Splits and actually pulled us from class for this.  As far as I remember we were supposed to talk about divorce and our home lives, but I don’t think I did.  I think we made a lot of crafts.  It was so weird to not only have divorced parents, but then to be part of this random club, so that when I went back to class all my friends would ask were I was. 

Sometime after the divorce or maybe before I developed my people pleasing attribute.  I help people.  I sometimes over-help.  I just want to make people happy and make everyone get along. I worry that friends are mad at me for no appharent reason.  I worry that decades old friendships will end over something silly.  I have a huge fear of rejection whether in person or on the phone (when I used to call people for work).  I get nervous when couples get mad at each other and I hate verbal fighting and yelling.  I am the calm one in my family that everyone calls when their worlds are upside down.  I am the one who tries to smooth things over or fix things, even when I know it’s beyond me.  My husband and I never have screaming matches like I grew up with, but I am still always on edge making sure that it doesn’t seem like he’ll surprise me with a divorce. 

I was so happy when my kids were born, because kids can’t divorce you.  Or reject you.  It sounds odd, but when your history is formed at a young age  divorce has an impact on your whole life. 

One day my MIL asked me how I felt being from a broken home.  I was appalled by her question because to me that meant violence and there was never violence towards me.  I like to help and make people feel better and just try to live now and not in the past.  It just hurts to see people mention divorce or get a divorce because even as an adult you still have to split your time and holidays with your parents.  I still try to make the holidays and the gifts and the food perfect so everyone is happy.  It’s exhausting trying to be the centering force in the whole family. 

Still I am happy with my life and who I have become.  Divorce does effect your personality.


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