Preemie part 2

Next Tuesday is National Prematurity Awareness Day.  This is a big deal for our family because we have a preemie.  I should say we have a toddler that started out as a preemie.  There are various reasons for pre-term babies and there are various levels and conditions that preemies face.  I have met many parents of preemies and the more you know and the more people as a whole know, the better. 

I am in a bit of a funk today.  Just frustrated.  Parenting is the hardest job in the world and when you have a setback, it really can make you feel down about yourself.  Today’s issue is nothing compared to having a premature baby.  I was so excited for baby number two.  I was doing everything right this time- dieting, exercising, resting.  Getting the room ready.  Everything.  Then my world was forever altered because my child was born six weeks early.  I wanted to wait, to at least 35 weeks, but I couldn’t, I was very sick and would not have made it.  I was so worried about the baby and my child at home.  These things go through your mind, of what will happen if you don’t make it, but in my case it all happened so fast.  Sometimes it seems like a dream.  But leaving the hospital with your child there is not the kind of thing you dream.  It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  Seeing healthy babies and having friends with healthy babies, that was hard too. 
Eventually the baby came home.  We were a family for the first time.  Things were not easy.  Preemies are not easy.  My husband and I were exhausted and scared.  Over time things change.  We all got used to each other and it got easier as with any baby.  Prior to this I always thought we’d be a three child family.  I was advised not to have anymore children.  So in the back of my mind was the thought this is my last baby.  The last little bundle of joy I can hold and snuggle.  The last one to see all those baby firsts with. That kind of made me sad.  Sad and excited.  Because this time I was home for all the firsts.  This time I could grab the baby and snuggle or play or read and not have to worry about anything else.  I revel in it.  I became an aunt last summer for the first time and I love to hold my nephew.  It’s nice to be able to play with and hold a baby but know you won’t have the sleepless nights for months.  I sometimes miss that baby smell.  But I also look forward to all the things my children have yet to experience.  In my mind both of them will always be my babies.  It’s hard sometimes to pack up the baby items and clothes and give them to friends or charity, because before I would put them in storage for the next time and now there won’t be a next time.  But I am blessed to have two lovely healthy funny kids and I am excited for the memories to come.


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