Preemies Rock

When my preemie was born, my one close friend had a 3 month old and my other friend was 7 months pregnant.  I was so envious that I could not have had a regular pregnancy and a healthy baby.  I was angry and confused and jealous and probably in self pity and wanting attention.  I didn’t realize how much I would grow and change with my preemie. 

I thought I was a mature responsible person with my first child, but the emotions I felt seeing people with happy perfect lives and babies really made me sad and angry.  For a month after my baby was born I didn’t go to church.  I just couldn’t go because I felt so silly that the church had to pray for me and my baby.  I was so used to be the one praying for others.  I thought of myself as the one to fix problems and help others, not the other way around.  I had been independent since I was very young and this was hard for me, to be seen as the one people felt bad for and wanted to help.  Faith is what got me through my emotions and being blessed with this wonderful baby is amazing. 

I personally grew in the following areas- strength, patience, comfort and contentment.

All babies are a challenge when they first come home.  A preemie can be even more so.  I was constantly worried that she would stop breathing or her reflux was hurting or that her eye sight was not developing.  I was with her 24/7 so I noticed these things.  At first I felt helpless, how could my husband and I be strong enough to take care of this delicate little baby?  But things changed.  She grew stronger and as she did so did I.  I felt and knew what it was to be in charge of your own health and your childs health.  We have two great peditricians and the babies doctor sent us to specialists based on instincts, just to check things out.  Like her sight and her heart.  I was strong because we could get through this and we did.  The first ten months were hard.  Harder than anything ever in my life, but as she grew I could feel myself growing too. 

Patience.  Anyone who knows me knows that patience is not one of my virtues.  For the first few months I was having crying fits, because I couldn’t comfort the baby sometimes.  The reflux was too much for her.  Or I couldn’t get her to sleep and I have a pre-schooler and a crazy dog, so each day was a challenge.  I would watch the door for when my husband would come home and be there to help.  I was snapping at my older child and my husband and my family and my friends.  Somehow my patience has changed.  I can now take a breath and not freak out.  I’m not perfect but I can say I have 99% more patience then I did before the baby was born!!

Comfort.  I found such comfort in prayer and in the support of my husband and my family.  I was comforted that my two children are so amazing.  I love just sitting at home at night and watching the kids play and my husband and I laughing so hard because they are so cute together playing.  There is such comfort in a family and I love our family. I also know I can prayer where ever and when ever and that is a comfort.

Contentment.  When I was younger since I was an only child.  My mother’s favorite thing to say was you are never content.  I never knew what it meant.  I think I thought it was the same as containment and I couldn’t understand what that had to do with anything!!!  I would get a toy and stop playing right away.  I think I was looking for my parents to interact with me and that didn’t happen too much.  But as I grew up I still wasn’t content.  I had great jobs, lived on an island, bought lots of stuff and there was no satisifaction.  I later realized after my first child was born, that I needed faith to be content.  Even then somedays I just didn’t know what I wanted.  I wanted more.  Then I realized that after the ups and downs of a pre-term baby and my being sick, I was content.  I have faith, great kids and a loving husband and awesome family, friends, church, and pets.  Life is about relationships and love and helping each other and I had that.  It was there all along, but after the uneasy path of having a preemie, things became relevant. 

So I am very thankful for my healthy preemie, my loving pre-schooler, my family and friends, my country, my church, God, and all the food and fellowship we will be blessed with in a few days.


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