Stuck


Since I am a mom who is home with my kids almost everyday of the week, I sometimes find myself daydreaming of what my future career might be.  I used to have a great career in finance.  Great for money and something to do, but not fulfilling.  I love being with my kids but the driven person in me is always wondering what to do next.  Do I go back to finance, do I go back and start another Master’s Degree, do I do something in social services, should I just work part time somewhere so I have time to volunteer at school and church?  Why do moms have to feel like we need to do everything?  Why do I feel guilty that I am not changing the world or doing something great in a corporate environment?  I love being with my kids.  They are only little once and I love that I can stay home with them, but I also know as they grow I want more for myself.  I want to feel like I am helping people or society and somedays I just get stuck on a cycle of wondering what I am supposed to be doing and where I am supposed to be going.  I was in Advent church last night and I seriously felt like God was telling me that I would not be good in social service, so does that mean I should just sit tight and see what he brings next- of course that is, but it’s so hard to wait and wonder.  Several years ago I was in church and I felt like He was telling me to teach.  And I kept ignoring it. I started a Masters in teaching and then I tutored and I decided it wasn’t for me.  But He has His plans and ideas and this year I became a Sunday School teacher.  I guess I always need to think beyond the basic and see what happens.  I get a daily email from Zondervan and today was an excerpt from a book by Jon Walker called Growing with Purpose :

Meanwhile, God is patiently waiting for you to abandon your attempts to create the abundant life and say, “I can’t, but God, you can.” He is waiting for you to let him loose in your life so he can become your strength.

And there it was.  All night I was making lists and praying and talking to God and tossing and turning and still this morning, and then I read that.  That sealed the deal.  I’ll just sit back and let God lead me, because He will provide me with an abundant life.

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