Me, myself & I

I have officially stopped the gratitude journal, it just wasn’t working for me and it felt forced.  We are having a blizzard where I am and I spent the morning sleeping, that was nice.  I do spend a lot of time wishing there was more me time, but with little kids that just doesn’t happen.  As someone who grew up without a sibling in the home or even a sibling until I was 12 I miss quiet time and self time so much.  My day is so filled giving and taking care of everyone else like most moms I forget myself most of the time and that is hard. 

I went skiing again this week and it was so much fun.  It was me having fun with a friend and it was nice.  Being a mom is hard, you can’t really know yourself with little ones, because there is always someone who has a need to be met.

I love being a mom, but sometimes I wish for just an hour a day to myself and yes I could wake up super early like some people do to find that hour, but that’s not for me. 

This week I took my older child for a well visit and had to be there while he got shots.  My husband usually is and it was such a sad thing to see my little child so scared and in pain from the shots.  Trying to do something good (get the vaccines) versus having to see him hurt and not understanding why.

Many times I wonder how my parents were able to stick themselves above me when I was younger.  They divorced and I went to live with my grandparents, so they could each have their own lives and not be bogged down with a child.  They wanted their freedom.  I will never understand not having your own child as the center of your universe.

People have always thought the grass is greener on the other side, since biblical times, it’s our nature I think.  People are never content.  I’m starting to realize the things that don’t help you be content, this week I cleaned out some toys (mainly about 10 bags for family, the salvation army and my church).  My children had stopped playing with what they had because they were overwhelmed.  I made a decision to make better choices in buying for them as well as for us.  I buy so much stuff we don’t  need and end up giving it away and it doesn’t make me happy or content, just more bogged down.

Last night I went to a dinner and the speaker was a big hunter, so very unlike myself, but he spoke of simplicity and the need to  not have a lot.  He said all you needed to lead a good life was found in the Bible.  Things our forefathers and mothers knew and that was such an eye opener.  Year after year, people have the same struggles, people from very different times in history.

So the more I look for contentment and peace the more I see where the examples of others are.  I am starting to realize that content may be just carving some much needed time for myself, in order to have a bit of peace and calm in my life.


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