The What If’s of having a preemie

Developing pre-eclampsia and having a premature  baby was a huge thing in my life.  For a long time I suffered from the what if’s.  Here is a sampling of the thoughts I would have:

-what if I had not drank dr pepper when I was pregnant and having more sickness all the time, and it was the only think I could tolerate

-what if I drank more water

-what if I would have walked a lot more, even though it was winter time

-what if I would have trusted my body and went to the doctor sooner

-what if my friend had not told me to call for a water pill

-what if I could have waited 2 more weeks to allow my child to develop a little more before being induced

-what if I would have had worse problems with my blood pressure

and I could go on and on.  Like many things in life that you don’t understand this was one of those things that kept me up at night.  Could I have done something differently, could I have changed anything.  Would I have?  It is heart wrenching for a parent to have a pre-mature baby and sometimes the health issues and worries don’t end in the NICU, or infancy, sometimes there are long term medical problems from prematurity and you just think, how could I as a mother have done anything different to have prevented this.  But with pre-eclampsia you can’t.  It just happens and most times it happens fast.  I finally had to get over the what if’s because God blessed us with this child and this was His plan.  So I needed to leave the past where it is and go forward to do something positive about it.  To learn as much as I can about prematurity, to tell pregnant friends to be aware of the signs, to blog about my life and maybe help someone else who is going through it.  We are all here for a reason and we don’t understand it sometimes and we may never understand why things happen to who they do, but that’s not important.  You need to work with the hand that you were dealt and go from there.  There should not be any what if’s in preemie mom minds, just what’s next and what can I learn from this and lots of loving and snuggling on your baby!

Happy Easter


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