Being Contentment with being a mom as a “career”

So at first when I stayed home all was good.  I was all into it.  I was thinking oh I am going to be so into this, grow a garden, make baby food, sew things, go outside to play, have playdates and just enjoy myself and my son.  Fast forward a few years and another child later.  Being at home is more demanding than any job I ever had. I don’t have any days off, I don’t have sick days.  My husband thinks since I am home I don’t ever need help with the kids or the house.  And we all know that’s not true.  I mean I am a planner and a scheduler and some days it’s just hard.

So I’ve started to live vicariously through my husband.  I’ll see something interesting such as a portfolio manager and then suggest he should do that or a doctor or a landscape architect- nothing serious and nothing I actually expect him to do, but just to see if maybe I can figure out how he is so content and how I can be that content.  I’ve never told him but I do get slightly jealous that he goes to work every day in an industry I use to be in and works and does projects and has meetings.  Don’t get me wrong I love being with my kids and the freedom my days allow me, I just sometimes miss being an employee, someone who other people are relying on to do a job.  It’s hard to be a career driven person and just be able to switch gears.  I think about how we live comfortably but how we could be living better if I worked also.  I think about how I could be doing something productive in society.  I think about how I can try to do something from home as my career, but none of that is the same as dressing up and going to work and feeling part of something.  I’ve gotten so used to mommy garb I really do get sad when I see other women dressed up going to work. 

I have some time before my children are both in school, so maybe this is time to enjoy and work on my next step and next career, to see where my strengths are.  I do know that there is no such thing as the perfect mix.  When I was at work I missed my kids, now that I am at home I miss work sometimes.  I wish there was a genie in a bottle who could make the perfect mix for a mom or that society wasn’t so work driven, but until then I guess I’ll just be where I am.


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