Life is not a check off on my to do list

I am a type A.  I was just sitting here looking over my calendar and being pleased with organization.  I know one should not gloat.  I just love being organized.  I imagine I was always organized even as a little kid.  Maybe not as bad as I am today, but in my memory I think I liked to keep my toys and books orderly and was on top of things needed for school.

But back to my calendar.  This summer I have felt down and burnt out.  Really exhausted.  I think some of it is this awful heat wave we’ve had and some of it is a terrible twos toddler and a bored almost kindergartener, but some of it is the calmination of everything.  People getting new houses, going on trips, having better behaved kids, cleaner homes, family members with health issues, money worries, crazy debt-just tons of things adding up.  I wouldn’t say I am depressed, because I am still enjoying it all, I am just trying to get through each day.  Things I enjoyed became another item on my to do list- scrapbooking, planning sunday school lessons, reading to my kids, my daily devotions. 
Then the other day I thought hey I don’t need to be like this.  I need to be with the kids and playing and laughing and having fun.  That’s free and it beats cleaning.  I can still do what needs to be done, but I need to find the fun part of the fun things I like to do, instead of thinking of it as a chore. 

I was rushing through morning devotions to tend to my early riser toddler and not letting anything sink in, so I changed to night devotions and feel so much better, a great way to go to bed. 

I started playing more and just being with the kids.  I stepped away from the computer and didn’t need to be connected 24/7.  I surrendered my issues and feelings and worries to God.  And yes I still am struggling with fixing and controling things, but when I get wrapped up in myself I say a little pray and relax and know it will all be ok.

So I want to be aware, I don’t want to be a mom robot, just getting things done and then being done.  I want to savor the moments but I am so looking forward to fall, it’s a lot easier to savor when you can actually be outside in nature!

This is part of the mom’s 30 minute blog challenge each week on Steadymom

About this entry