Mom Flow


I am the daughter of a mom who lost her mom and was raised by her grandmother, who was raised by her grandmother.  Yes it’s confusing but its kind of a pattern for awhile in our family.

That’s confusing so let me explain.  My mother lost her mother when she was maybe 12 or so to Addison’s disease.  My mom was then raised by her grandmother and father and helped to raise her younger siblings.  I don’t know if my mom was quiet as a child or if that effected her and made her hold it all in, but she is quiet now and has been my whole life.  Once we had a family counseling session and the therapist asked my mom about her mom and she cried.  First and last time I ever saw that.  Over the summer my mom had cancer removed and had some major surgery and she never cried, and she never complained, she just kept going.  I didn’t know my mom was that strong. 

My mom had her weakness though and that was herself.  She chose her life over me and ultimately I went to live and be raised by my paternal grandparents.  Being raised by grandparents is great.  I had young-ish grandparents and they gave me a home, my own room and stability- things I had never known.  It ultimately created a closeness and love for old people that most people my age don’t have.  I always have compassion for old people and prefer them to children.  Which some friends find hard to understand.  My grandparents brought me up with their values and ways, so I am a little more old fashioned in some ways than some people.  When I was growing up I was the only kid I knew who lived with their grandparents.  I wish at the time someone would have told me that was ok, but anything different as a kid makes you nervous and I was always afraid kids would find out and ask me where my parents were and why I didn’t live with them. 

This situation really effected me and my mom.  We aren’t close.  When I had my first child she came to the hospital the next afternoon, where as my grandmother and aunt and dad came the night of the birth.  When I had my 2nd child and was 50 miles from home with a baby in the NICU my mom didn’t visit at all.  We see each other about once a week and she really loves my kids, but I talk to my grandmother each day, called her all the time when I lived away.  I take my kids to stay with my grandmother when I need a babysitter because she is older, but I know her and think of her for all caring and nurturing.

I grew up envious of friends and their relationships with their moms.  I am so upset when my friends and their moms fight, because I wish I could have a close relationship with my mom sometimes.  But now that I have a daughter I can not wait until we can bond.  We already do even though she’s little.  She looks up to me and copies me and I love it.  She is the best gift from God that a mommy could ask for.  So our mom flow has flown a little different, but it all works out how it should.  That’s what makes us all individual in this world.

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