Hello my name is “not responsible with credit”

Okay this could be the worst week for spending in my whole adult life.  I agreed to a payment plan last week with one of my credit cards.  But in order to get into it they had to charge me last week, three days after I made a payment, needless to say our cash was gone and we don’t get paid until next week.  So I had to do something I never wanted to do, use the emergency credit card I got several years ago and never touched, not even in my most desperate credit moment.  That was not the worst thing.  I needed to use it for gas and groceries.  Instead of trying cheap shopping which is what I wanted to do, I felt kind of scared, like oh no we have no money, let me buy things so that we don’t not have any food and I left spending $300.  So my hubs didn’t know we had an emergency card.  Then we went to Cabela’s yesterday and I bought some rubber boots, so I could help my friend at her job this week.  I needed them to work on her farm and I didn’t have any.  I wanted so badly to buy my kids some Spyder clothes but didn’t and I almost bought myself a Northface jacket but didn’t.  So then tonight I went to get a new cell phone, I’ve had mine for 6 years and I had to charge the phones and send in the rebates.  So I had to get my phone, my husbands phone and the accesories bundle.  Yes we will get a rebate so the phones were free and yes our phones were so old, but I really hope I just put that money back on the card.  So in a few days I’ve managed to charge almost $600 in stuff I didn’t plan on.  Then I charged dinner at a Mexican place tonight and $40 worth of Christmas stocking stuffers for my family and Sunday School at the dollar store, I mean really I am embarrassed.  It was such a rush though and this is what I need to stop doing.  This is why instead of debt going down since I tried to go hard core on the paying off it’s gone up.

As for my diet, all I can say is huh.  My grandmother confessed she thought I was getting heavier but didn’t want to say anything.  I decided when I am stressed or bored I eat or shop.  I had to nearly tie myself down from going to Target with the emergency card, even though I knew it was money I didn’t have.  And when I’m feeling stressed or like life is out of my control my instinct is to spend or eat.

So I already mentioned I had Mexican tonight and not anything healthy, I got some Gertrude Hawk that I snacked on, this week and on Monday the beginning of the week, I had McDonalds for lunch and then one night I didn’t feel like cooking and we had McDonalds again.  Also on Monday my husband made some chocolate chip oatmeal cookies and we ate them all, both dozen.  Then we had wings a few times this week.  I didn’t eat any candy at work today, but only because I’ve been feeling sick lately.  My grandmother told me to check my sugar.  Diabetes runs in the family and I had gestational with my first child.  I’ve been having some symptoms of high blood sugar.  I routinely get checked and my tests have been good, but I’ve been hooked on Oreos for the past few months.  My husband and I figured out I was eating about 140 grams of sugars a day just in Oreos, so I needed to stop. 

Just reading over this is embarassing.  I really question if I will have the willpower to lose weight,exercise or stop spending.  I want to, but it’s just so hard.  I’m getting so frustrated.


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