Family


My grandparents are getting older.  I am very blessed to still have grandparents and even more blessed that my kids know them.  My grandmother told me she wants my grandfather to stop running errands, he’s not what he was before in health.  About 7 years ago, he had open heart surgery.  He gets winded and sleeps a lot and forgets a lot.  She worries that he’s getting a bit of alzthimer’s.  His mom had it and so did his cousin.  I told her I don’t know anything about that, but to check with the doctor. She’s sounds scared but more so unsure.  This is a new chapter for them in their lives.  So I volunteered to take him grocery shopping and to the drug store and any other places he might want to go.  I figure it will give him time out of the house and time spent with me and my youngest while the oldest is in school. It makes me sad.  My whole life growing up my grandparents were my life and family.  I worried about them and they me.  We kept each other in check.  Now I have my children and husband, my parents, my grandparents, my handicaped nephew and not the world’s greatest brother who is his father, my aunt who never married and has no kids, my brother and sister in law who are expecting their first child who is high risk, my in laws who live thousands of miles away and have many health issues.  It’s so scary.  My mom had cancer over the summer and thought it was removed and she was ok, but she had a questionable blood scan and needs more tests, my dad has ongoing emphemisma, my aunt is diabetic and not insured, both my children have speech issues, my husband has a pacemaker, and my grandmother has chronic pain and issues from post-polio.  Yes that is a lot.  But we are blessed to still have each other.  It just scares me sometimes, because I have so many people to worry about and care about and I just wish in a way I could freeze time, to happy times when we are all together, playing games or laughing and sharing memories.  I have some friends who are very attached and very caring for their family, like I feel I am and other friends who are just taking care of their husbands and kids and have other family members who care for everyone else.  Maybe it’s the time of the year, maybe it’s my contentment delving, but I really just think I am so lucky and I am so scared about the next steps. The next paths in life.  It’s easier to pray for other people and to feel bad about other people, when it’s your own family it gets scary.

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