Just not feeling it

I truly thought that if I blogged about my debt issues, it would get me into the right thinking to get tackling it.  I was wrong.  Last week was more worries frustration and embarrassment.  This only led to me eating my share of the whole box of Pillsbury Choc Chip Oatmeal cookies on Monday and then today almost eating ten choc chip cookies my mom made. 

Last week I took my kids to an indoor play area for play group.  I needed to borrow some cash from my kids to pay to get in, because I was running low on cash.  My husband had a business trip last week and needed train fair, and registration money and that kind of drained us.  Then there was the sport lesson money for my oldest where the checks had not been cashed for two months and then they cashed them all at once.  So last week was bad, but we were doing ok.  We would be okay until I get paid this week, but now we are over.  I was waiting for  some money for a home business I sell that didn’t come in yet and we needed diapers and I went and bought some snacks.  So I think we’ll have o/d fees. I hate juggling, I hate under estimating, I hate unexpected bills and no bumper money.  I am always so close and then I mess up by a little bit and it starts all over again.  I just wish I could manage to get a little ahead and go from there. But it never happens, there is always something.  I got caught up on the fuel oil bill and then we got more, so there was another $400 this week I was not expecting. 

It makes me feel bad, it makes my husband stressed.  It makes me stressed and it makes me feel stupid and embarrassed.  How did I get on this track?  How did I not realize that it would all add up and one day I would be in the same boat as everyone else?  I wish Suze Orman would just come and work her magic, tell me what to pay, how to change my spending habits and set me on the right path.  But until then I guess I need to work that out myself.


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