Today I decided I am really fat. Grotesquely overweight and I hate it. Today I realized if I had another fat friend/coworker/neighbor we could get on the next season of biggest loser. Today my BMI makes me obese. I never wanted to be the fat person. My body looks odd, I carry all my weight in the middle and in my now ever present chins. I used to be cute. Guys used to do a double take or actually talk to me when I was out with my friends. Now I am the fat friend who makes me incredibly beautiful friends look even prettier. I used to be stylin. I would be wearing J Crew and Gap and looked nice. Now I wear Walmart grandma clothes because they don’t hid my size but I think they do. I want to eat, I like food. I eat when I am bored and when I am frustrated. I know skinnier people have it easier in this world. I shop when I’m not eating and try to pretend I have an awesome life. I never felt like the fat person, then I saw pictures of myself and I wanted to cry. I probably should cry but I can’t. I look like a loser. I look like someone I would not hang out with. And you know how you know you are fat, people always say your not fat. If you truly aren’t fat people would never say that. I want to go for long walks. I want to expierence nature, but I can’t. I have a toddler and a dog and it just won’t walk. So I sit inside and I read and I go online and I get fatter. I disgust me. I want to just kind of stay inside and keep to myself and probably get fatter, but I am involved in many activities and people rely on me so I can’t be a hermit. Today I am going to try weight watchers again, which I tried many years ago and had success with. Wish me luck.