Life- I don’t know a thing

I don’t know anything right now and maybe I never did. I sometimes think about the beauty of the world and each day and how it’s all a gift, but then something happens and you freeze.  Your life becomes one focus, one thought, one action.  You make excuses.  Oh he refused to eat for two months, he’s stubborn, he’ll be fine.  You convince yourself this will all work out and that you just need to go through your normal day. Then you see such a change in appetite and attitude.  You see labored breathing.  You see love and family and you don’t see fear.  You try to tell your kids and the lump appears in your throat.  You hope and pray for the best, but you know now it’s God’s will, which it has been all along, but we always think we are in control don’t we.  You call your baby brother, who is no longer a baby but a man with his own child and you try to be strong for him, you know he’s sensitive and he grieves.  Your own father asks how you are and makes you the focus because he doesn’t want to think about it. You get scared, that the next second the phone will ring, or in the middle of the night.  You leave a picture of your kids and give a kiss on the head and say I love you.  You want to take away the pain for everyone involved but pain and sadness and fear and grief are part of life. Do they make us appreciate life?  Do they make us value our memories? There are tears and they are tears of shock, but mainly tears of love.  Tears of love transcend this world they are faith and hope.  I love you E.


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