My shopping cart

When did shopping carts become so cool?  I remember I used to sit in the cart at the grocery store as a kid and read.  I remember thinking it would be cool to be old enough to push a cart and then of course we all hear about people having the irrational fear of ending up with nothing but yourself and a cart full of belongings when you are a little old lady.  But that little cart online, wow, that just thrills me.  I remember my first online shopping occasion and I thought it was so cool, here was this little mini-cart icon and my number of items, how clever to have a cart or bag for your online shopping, well that kind of sent me spiraling.  Things were ok before kids and when I had lots of disposible income, but it’s hard to break from a habit and a new way of commerce, this is how I buy things- online.  No catalogs or malls.

This was the perfect accomponiment for people of my generation – the instant gratification generation.  We didn’t need to save to buy things.  My parents were divorced and spent a lot of time making up for their faults with buying me things, then came credit cards- nice dinners out in college, good clothes.

I don’t know how to regulate myself in this cycle of instant purchasing and pre-viewing with the click of a button and the ease of payment in a card.  I don’t want to be on an allowance like my grandmother back in the day, but sometimes I think that is the only way I will be able to turn it all around.  It’s  become the norm for me and like any habit, I just need to be tough and stick with it few weeks until it feels normal.

So here’s my progress on debt for the past few weeks, after my gratification rant!

(I’ve been doing this post update every few weeks, in between posts I write my thoughts/struggles each day in note format, this seems the most readable way to do this)
signed up for a new credit card at the grocery store, can only be used there, didn’t tell husband. was stressed about money and sad about my grandparents.
didn’t go out for a quick lunch today, ate at home.  resisted buying something on etsy and also from an online website I usually buy lots of stuff from, in order to save money (and also because I don’t have any extra $ to spend)
mess on the credit cards, keep paying them and then they aren’t showing up, kind of balanced money and then I needed to move passports up a few weeks, so things are kind of crazy again
tried 4 different methods to pay for something online and one finally worked, frustrated b/c felt I really needed the stuff, but it was not necessity, it didn’t work in the end, so it drove me crazy felt like I had to have it so I removed a few items and chose another debt method
been spending too much on sodas and snacks at convienence stores
for a few weeks now since my grandparents died I’ve felt like I was not grounded, like things were out of control, so I was living off my budget, spending too much on food, not paying attention, almost revolting if you will because my life got all sorts of crazy last month, now I need to pare down and start again, be where I was before trying to get my money in order, trying to live within my means.  I remember how great it feels to get a bargain at a yard sale this past weekend and that was awesome. For almost six years now I’ve been going in circles, not paying things down, paying them down then bringing them up again and in 6 years time I could have been debt free.  What is wrong with me, I need to stop and get it together, unless I make a drastic change it will always be like this and I don’t want that for my kids. My life has changed so much in the past month, that now is as good a time as any to do this.  I just hope I can, it’s easier to write than to do.
back to being $500 short this month- UGGHHH
debt went up 300 in 2 months instead of down, even though I paid some stuff down, I feel irresponsible, like it’s not real money.
husband wants another credit card for emergency purposes, since the last one we had for that is filled up and even though I paid it down to almost 0 in the new year it’s right back up
looking back and taking note like this and seeing the pattern is as eye opening as logging my food.  you don’t think it’s a lot because it’s a little here and a little there and all of a sudden it’s so much it will never go away without a lot of work and energy and will power and cutting back
keep a note in my wallet reminding me of my debt when I make stupid purchases, since I started it’s gone up $6000 and I think it’s been about a year and since my last update maybe in the fall it’s been $2000 of that, that’s why I can say I am so bad at this stuff, sometimes I feel like I want my husband to help me, but he kind of just gets angry and sulky and mad and that just makes me feel worse, so I kind of just keep struggling and not getting anywhere I did tell him about the store card I got the other day in order to save $20 on my purchase, because I can’t keep a secret from him, I feel too bad


About this entry