Ah…


(I’ve been doing this post update every few weeks, in between posts I write my thoughts/struggles each day in note format, this seems the most readable way to do this)
back to craving oreos, really I think they need to make an oreo detox for me, I am seriously addicted oh and Dr.Pepper too- so not good w/my diet.  I’m just tired of being fat and feeling yucky
new debt plan- have husband do bills and budgeting, we’ll see how it goes; scared to let him take it over, but felt relief but also feel kind of bad, because I feel like am not doing enough
went to walmart w/my new walmart card for a few things for vacation church school and walked out with way more than that, this is after my husband agreed to do the bills- now I feel so stupid & really like the worst person in the world.  I just need to stop.  I feel like one of those people who goes to shoppers anonoymous, except that I’m not buying high end stuff or stuff I don’t need.  I just need to have some kind of control over myself, but in the back of my mind I always think wow, so and so does it why can’t I
so my husband has been in charge for a few days, I messed up on day 1 and went to the craft store & out with my bff & then 2day drinks after work w/my bff’s. Now I have to teeter on hiding it from him or trying to get everyone else to pay for me or just not going out.  I must say it makes me feel guilty for no real reason to have to tell him about each purchase and justify it.  UGGGGHHH.  Today he told me he is starting this week by giving me the “cash” I can spend.  I guess that’s what we need to do in order to chip away this mess of debt, but it’s so not cool
now I don’t “use” my debit card and I get my “money” in an envelope, this is going to be hard, but good.  In a way it is a huge relief for someone else to be handling it and telling me what to do in order to change this mess, although I could do with less of his “scare” tactic method of trying to get me to understand the severity

So it’s been a relief for me to not have to figure this out.  I feel more responsible to have cash in hand and not just a debit card, it’s forcing me to make smart choices.  A debit card has been so easy for me to overspend.  I also have been trying to focus on my diet and exercise since I’ve had the worry of balancing the budget and paying down the debt taken away.  It was hard to get used to at first, but each day gets a bit easier..

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