saying sorry

I’ve been thinking a lot since my grandparents have passed.  I go back and forth on my grieving.  I feel like I haven’t grieved as you are supposed to.  I cried a bit when my grandfather died and then cried and took some ambien and went to sleep when my grandmother died and that was it.  I sometimes have gotten chocked up or teary eyed.  But I have not had bad days, crying days.  I miss them and I think about them.  I still look for my grandfathers car in town.  I write down my memories and memories for my kids.  I’ve put more pictures up of them and I think of them and talk to them at night or when I’m scared or in prayers.  But I have noticed some of my relatives are still doing hard core grieving.  I was as close to my grandmother as can be.  She raised me.  She helped me by watching my kids.  The thing that bothers me is that when people are offering condolences they offer them to the direct children and not really to the grandkids.  Yes I am a married adult and yes I was a grandchild by birth, but her and my grandfather adopted me when I was 10 and her and I were as tight as could be.  We talked to each other on the phone each day  numerous times. I was at their house all the time.  But when they passed it was my father, aunt and uncle who received most of the condolences.  People (relatives who I didn’t see all that often) offered the most support to my family and not to me.  I was hurting too.  But people would stop my aunt in town and talk to my aunt and try to help my aunt.  People would see how she was doing. It hurt because I was really hurting.  People would offer her prayers and for awhile she made it all about her and her grief.  There were other issues of her feeling guilt and it conveying to her grief, but it was hard for me to have her tell me to my face that she was the one hurting the most.  I called her out on it, and things got better.  But just because people don’t grieve openly and just because people don’t cry or show signs doesn’t mean they aren’t hurting.  If someone passes away whether they are a direct relative or a grandchild, neighbor, co-worker, best friend- whatever if there was a close connection or you knew they were close please share their grief, tell them your sorry, pray for them.  You don’t have to be the child of or the spouse of someone who passed to be sad.  I’m just saying because it’s a hard time and people need support.  Never make death about one persons suffering because lots of people suffer.



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