Thank-what?


So this year, I lost my grandparents.  I wasn’t sure what the holidays would be like, but they haven’t been like when I was younger for the past few years.  We used to have a big ol’ dinner at my grandmothers and we’d laugh and play games and use her gravy boat and the nice tablecloth and just have fun.  The past few years as her and my grandfather got older we had dinner at my house or my dad’s or we’d go out.  For several years I went somewhere with my mom and then to my dad’s.  So lots of dinners back to back.  This year my dad wanted Chinese buffet and I was like ok, but not too thrilled.  Then my best friend invited us to go out for a proper dinner with her parents and I was like yes, of course. My aunt was all sad and my dad was upset, but why not change it up a bit this year.  Then I said something to my mom and she was so mad.  She insisted we did dinner with her and honestly I didn’t remember that.  I felt slightly bad, but I think really dinner with her was not that cool or exciting. I mean I don’t know why she was all mad about it, because most times we go to her house and rush out because it’s not fun, there’s no conversation, no games.

Which brings me to my main thought about this post.  The other day I was sitting off thinking about who I sat with at my grandparents funeral.  It was at my church, where I’m very active.  My grandparents were not active in church.  I sat in the very front pew with my husband on one side and my one best friend on the other.  I think my dad and my aunt and uncle were the pew opposite.  My son sat a few pews back with my best friends mom and daughter, to keep him occupied.  My mother sat somewhere with her husband.  Now these were my dad’s parents and they are divorced.  At the luncheon afterwards again I sat with my husband, friend, friends mom and my son and my best friends daughter.  I don’t think my mom even came up to me. I stopped to say hi to her. There was no hug, no I’m sorry, no is there anything I can do.  Now we aren’t close.  We never were.  She’s German so she’s not really a hugging touchy person.  But I mean really who doesn’t try to be involved with their only daughter when her grandparents pass away within a few weeks of each other.  Then my mom and dad want to be all surprised when I choose to have Thanksgiving day with my kids and my best friend.  Why, why is that such a surprise?  When they were busy having their own lives when I was little and left me with my grandparents, did they ever think someday I’m going to want to eat Thanksgiving dinner with my only child.  I don’t understand.  I guess I never will.  Maybe they are just emotionally shy, maybe they want to express themselves and can’t.  I just don’t know.  I just don’t understand, I just hope that I won’t be like that to my kids someday.  I just think you should spend time on Thanksgiving with people who make you laugh, who you love to be with and who are fun.  I feel like my best friends who I’ve known for almost 2 decades are more like a family than most of my family.  Since I lost my grandparents I’ve turned to the people who have been the most steady in my life and that’s my friends.  Is that wrong to be spending Thanksgiving with people of my choosing over family?  Thoughts?

Advertisements

About this entry