minimalist I wish I was

If I close my eyes, my home is one of sparse furnishings in an artsy way.  I see minimalism.  I see a nice table with a small plant, one small closet with basic pieces of clothing all in black.  Nothing too crazy, but something simple- a desk with my computer (not 3 computers) and no paper baskets and files and cups on writing instruments.  One of what we need and use, not 4 stiring spoons, 4 tongs, 3 spatulas, 20 bowls, 15 kid cups, 20 tumblers, etc. When I moved back to the US, I had for myself 1 suitcase, 1 carry on and I shared a large box and duffel bag (with our stuff) between my husband and I.  And 2 cats in their carriers.  That’s it.  When we moved into an apartment here, after living in a smaller apartment abroad, we had lots of room.  We bought furniture and pictures, things for the kitchen, odds and ends decorations and then of course there’s all the stuff you “inherit” from family when you get your new place.  Then we had kids.  With the first we used our spare room and then we realized kids come with stuff so we bought a house.  And then slowly that has been filled, plus we have a garage/workroom & shed. Compared to most people I know we are on the minimal side.  But we still have way too much stuff.  I cleaned several bags of clothes and toys for donation just two weeks ago. After my grandmother passed, I found myself wanting to keep so much of her stuff, things that are not my style.  I feel I need her stuff, it reminds me of her and I really like that. So now with all the pets, the kids, the husband and all the stuff we have I can barely feel like a minimalist. I don’t know what to do most days.  I know kids and stuff go hand in hand, pets and kids and husbands make messes and leave things all over.  I sometimes dream of us all moving abroad again and I know it could never happen we have so so much stuff.  It feels suffocating sometimes, it bogs me down.  I clean and donate, clean and donate and there’s still more.  I want this year to be the year I make better decisions on what we spend our money on, I don’t want the kids to have tons and tons of stuff.  I want us to focus more on family and having fun and making memories than on toys and objects and video games and decorations and computer accesories and everything else that fills our lives.  Maybe I fill voids with stuff, I mean I know I do.  I miss my grandmother so I have her things, I want my kids to have all the things I would have wanted and then we give them that. I want to have a cozy cute home to impress who- the few close friends I have over once in awhile.  So food and things are what I fill my downtime with.  My sad time with, my distractions with and I don’t know why.  So when I dream about minimalism furnishings and kids and a husband who put things in their proper places, I feel slightly bad, because I do love them all I just don’t love all their junk!


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