you never know

I am a preemie mamma.  My baby was 6 weeks early, because I had pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome.  She was small, but not like super small.  Her lungs were not where they should be, she was not keen on eating and we had some problems.  But she came home a few weeks later.  Ask any preemie parent (and I am so glad my 2nd child was a preemie and not my first, because it was hard enough being an experienced parent), but anyway when you come home with a preemie you are always on guard.  She slept in my room longer, I worried about SIDS, I would check to make sure she was breathing ok, I was so worried about her picking up colds; I stayed home longer without going out with her. I was always checking and worrying about her.  We live near a busy area, with fire trucks and ambulances always going past.  When she was a few months old she wouldn’t even flinch as they would speed by.  I also was worried she had poor vision.  Her eye was a bit floaty and she couldn’t focus well. So we did the eye check and then went back and she was fine.  She was just a little slow in developing, which I learned was a preemie thing- eventually it got easier.  But her hearing did not turn out all ok.  She has a hearing loss, slight in one ear at the decibels at which we speak.  I never thought I would be taking my pre-schooler for MRI’s, brain tests, seeing her on giggle juice, talking about hearing aides, going to speech, having to tell teachers and coaches she can’t hear properly.  It breaks my heart when we are watching tv and she asks me to turn it up because she can’t hear it.  It breaks my heart that she has a slight disability.  I worry about her, and I am so thankful it’s not something else, we are very blessed, but it still tears at my mommy heart.

No mom ever thinks there will be something wrong she can’t fix, whether it’s physical, emotional, or whatever.  Despite it all she has a beautiful voice, she can carry a tune like you would not believe. She is fearless and I’ve been told she has a natural talent for skiing.  She is braver and stronger and more of a fighter than I’ve ever been and I love it.  I love her, she is sensitive and caring and wants to take care of everyone and I know when she’s older, she will never let her hearing loss get in her way.  She has been a fighter with a strong will since day 1.  Super proud mama right here and fighter for preemies and children with disabilities- something I never expected, but the surprises in life are what makes it all worth while.


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