miss you

My youngest was a preemie. I don’t know if it’s a preemie thing or if it’s just a second child thing, but she needs to have me in her sight at all times. She has separation anxiety when I leave her at school or sometimes if I go run some errands and she is staying home.  At home she loves to sit with me and play with me. With other kids she hides behind me until she knows them and with the hairdresser today,she sat nicely got her hair trimmed for the first time and did not relax until her and I were on our way out the door, she was so nervous when she couldn’t see me at first since I was behind her.  So yes, maybe it’s just this child, but I always wonder was it because she was a preemie? Was it because I couldn’t kangaroo hold her when she was born too soon? Or because I didn’t hold her in my arms for four days? Did she know when we left and had to go home and she was  still in the hospital? Did she miss hearing me and her dad and brother as she lay there listening to the sounds of the NICU? Who knows. I think as a preemie parent you feel guilty for circumstances you have no control over and you feel bad, worse than you’ve ever felt when you have to actually leave your baby at the hospital once you are discharged.  So maybe the anxiety is on me, maybe I over-worry and over-watch because those weeks away from each other were the worst in my world so far.


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