When did this happen

Ok, so I am going to be wallowing in self pity this post, so if you don’t want to read it, stop reading now. I have become the mom I never wanted to be. I am overweight, I am tired all the time and my husband has declared that I am not very good at cleaning our house. I used to be a person, a person with a career who knew things and could answer questions. A person who had interests. I used to think moms who couldn’t wake up without the husband reminding them and moms who were exhausted after a day with the kids and who couldn’t clean well, were just lazy people.  Yes, I know how wrong that is, but I was never around kids, I didn’t know how draining some days can be. I didn’t know that kids plus pets equals a messy house that can never stay clean for long. I didn’t know that if you stopped working full time to be with your babies that money would be tight. I do now. But I am with my kids all the time and most of the time, it’s fun. I also get the opportunity to volunteer at my oldest child’s school and I love it, it’s helping me to realize what I want to go back to school for when the kiddos are all in school.  But then I look at myself now, I try to dress nicer (no more sweats and yoga pants in public) nicer shoes, not sneakers all the time. I got my eyebrows done and my nails, I’m trying to treat myself a bit more, but then I look in the mirror and realize I am gross, I am overweight, I have chins, my hair is awful, to the point that it was described as “sporty”. I just don’t know how to change. I know you are supposed to start small, take walks -don’t dive into extreme exercise, think more positively, but I like instant gratification, I like online shopping, I just want to be skinnier and to feel pretty and to feel worthwhile. I don’t want my kids to think oh look mom is a fat slob, my husband to think I can’t clean and my friends to know that I am the fat one when we are out in public. I wish I had the drive to change, I feel like I am border line diabetic, because it runs in the family and I had gestational in one of my pregnancies. I just feel so down some times, I really don’t want to be overweight. I want to change and to be healthy but it’s so much easier to eat bad food and make poor choices.Please keep this mama in your prayers that I can make change happen.


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