Yes you totally do not match today

My kids like to pick out their own outfits and wear them. What that means is they come out in polka dots and plaids, black and brown, sweaters with shorts and I let it go. Other than Sunday School, I let them wear what they like. I figure life is hard and there are some more challenging issues to go to bat with them for. I don’t get kids in complete matching outfits, looking freshly pressed. How does that happen?

When my first born was born I really thought I could always have a perfect life for my child- no scratches, no scars, never miss a day of school, things like that.No upset feelings,to never know adversity, to never come crying from school because their friend fought with them, or to hear they have a bully issue on the bus. That was all fine and good until one day when he was about 3 and I was at work and my husband called to say the dog knocked him down by the door and he was in the ER getting stitches. My precious baby would have a scar. Another time he fell on the way into the dentist and his face got all scraped up, right before Christmas,he was embarrassed to go to school. I was dealing with things I didn’t expect. Bullies in kindergarten, friends fighting with my child, you heart breaks because this is not like bringing home a baby, this is sending your kid into the world and the world being mean. How do you fix that? You don’t.You can’t fix falls and hurt feelings, that’s how life is sometimes. My second child was a NICU baby and when she was still tiny a nurse pointed out her little IV scars to us, there is my baby with tiny little scars from when she was a few days old. As a mama all you do is try to protect them, maybe spoil them a bit. As a parent you are not perfect you might yell too much or lose patience some days. You say things that aren’t nice some days and you feel guilty. But you try to make things alright, you try to make them have a great day each day.

You think on day one this child will be different,  perfect grades, perfect attitude, but you soon realize there is no perfect, but there is also not a parenting guide to help you with the hard stuff, to let you know perfect is not achieveable, to just be there and live the moments and love and grow together, to make small changes so that the next generation will be at an advantage, to not expect so much, to know that your drive to be different and get out of your upbringing does not have to be pushed to your kids, you are out, they have the life you wanted, they have stability.

I sometimes have to step back and let my kids be themselves, not mini-mes. I am not going to be able to let them do all the activities I always wanted to do, or go all the places I wanted to go or to have all the toys I may have wanted. They may not want to go to college and become what I wish I had chosen and I’m becoming ok with that. I am giving them memories and experiences and love. I am trying to fix hurt feelings but I am also trying to teach them to embrace the world and have esteem, to aim for the stars. I’ve been trying to change my attitude for years and trying to stop being a perfectionist, and I want to do it for my kids. We are each our own and I want them to always feel that. 


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