Where were you

Major events bring us together as a family, as a nation, as a world.We know they carry over through generations, since I know about the end of WWII and how my grandparents felt,or where my aunt was when JFK was assassinated.

I’m new to close loss and since I lost both of my grandparents within 11 days of each other last year and they raised me, I keep traveling back to last year and I keep thinking about where I was and what I was doing when.I wonder does that stay with you for life, like monumental nation events? Does it get easier with time? Less fresh in your mind? I am also scared, scared that one day I won’t remember the date or passing or birth like so many people do when they talk about a loved one, even all those years later.

Last year on mothers day I worked. Same as the year before. I have no idea what we did for dinner last year, I don’t know if my kids got me a gift- which I am sure they did. All I remember was that I was able to leave work early. Way earlier than I would normally leave work and I was happy. I drove straight to the hospital to see my grandmother. She had been in ICU and out of consciousness when my grandfather passed, complications from diabetes, stress and pneumonia. In the morning after he passed in the night, she woke up. The doctors couldn’t explain why. It was looking bad. But a few days later she was well enough to be moved to a regular floor. She was looking forward to coming home and seeing the great grands and just being in her home. She had been in the hospital on and off for weeks. She was sad because her husband of almost 60 years was gone. But when I got there on mothers day, my husband and kids had gotten her a plant and left it.My uncles were there watching tv with her. My dad popped in and so did my brother and my aunt was there. We were all in the room, loving her and honoring her and spending time with her. We wanted to hold her close, since we all felt the loss of my grandfather so fresh in our hearts. I remember just sitting there for hours, sometimes talking to her,sometimes wishing she were home, sometimes laughing and joking. Time passed and she said you better go home for dinner, I’m fine. Your husband and kids probably want to see you. She always said things like that. I was hungry, but I was just content to be there. God does that I’ve noticed, He sticks you where you need to be and at the time you have no idea why. Eventually I made my way home. I would have never known, that early time from work, the lazy afternoon just sitting with her and my family would be the last mother’s day I would ever have with the most amazing person who has ever taken care of and loved me in my life.  7 days later, I recieved several calls from the rehab she went to and then the ER to come quickly, she was not doing well. She was gone before we made it to the hospital. I no longer had my anchor. Weeks later as my aunt was going through some things from her room at the rehab, she found a note scribbled in her messy left hand scrawl that said I love you Cal. She had scribbled out a note to my grandfather. I like to think she saw him and he was waiting for her and she knew we’d all be ok. She knew she had done all she could for us in this life and she was ready to be made whole again in heaven. She was ready for her body to heal and to run  and walk without any pain, as she was a polio survivor. That is how I get through the days now, when I think back and know exactly where I was when, I remember that God takes care of us and they are both up in heaven looking down on us and seeing all the good they gave us while they were here. Happy Mother’s Day, mamas


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