3 years later let’s try a different course


https://organizedmama.wordpress.com/2009/07/15/anxiety-day-1/

Almost exactly three years ago, I wrote several weeks of posts to document going on meds for anxiety. I had a one year old child with special needs and a toddler and I needed something. I’m going to be honest, yes I am organized, but that comes at a cost, I am a perfectionist and I let things get to me. So yes I am human and yes, I guess my brain needs some meds to get the chemicals to all balance. There is nothing wrong with this. I go to church, I try to live a normal life, I am not mentally ill or unstable, I just need some help getting my anxiety and sometimes sadness under wraps. I don’t go around telling people on a whim, but I have noticed that many other people take meds for anxiety and depression and will open up when you talk about it. 

A little history on my path with meds. I had a rocky upbringing, divorced parents, lived with grandparents, felt unwanted and rejected- the whole bit, which is common with people of my generation. So in high school and after I went to see a family counselor to talk through some of this. After high school I was in a very bad car accident and I was really scared. One day on college I had panic attack and it freaked me out. I went to the doctor who put me on Prozac. Bad move for me, it made me soooo hyper, I was a ball of energy. After that he took me off and sent me back to my therapist to talk through my accident and fears. There was also a really bad misdiagnose and meds from some crazy quack psychiatrist which took me awhile to get off of, but things then settled down. I was happy, going to school, had a job, had an awesome boyfriend(now husband) and one summer his parents sent us plane tickets to come visit them for Christmas, I then had my second panic attack ever. I was frozen and bugging out, I hate flying. It was such a weird awful experience and I truly feel bad for people that have them all the time. So really flash forward, I was still very anxious in my career and finances and living abroad, but I dealt with it, like most 20 somethings- too busy for the doctor. That changed after my first child was born about 8 years later. I had postpartum, I was just so overwhelmed and sad and just such an adjustment to being a mother. So I finally went to the doctor when my husband and friends forced me, because all I wanted to do was sit at home and sleep on the couch and she gave me Wellbutrin. That worked really well. I was on that for about 2 years, felt amazingly better and came off meds. Then I had my second child a year after that, and I was stressed, she was a preemie, I was really sick with pre-eclampsia and HELLP when I delivered and it was just overwhelming. I went back to my family doctor who prescribed me Zoloft. I was on that for almost 2 years and about six months ago, it was not really doing what it should, so he switched me to 200mg a day and well I was gaining weight the past three years and I became extremely tired. Like I could not get out of bed for very long tired, and felt like a brick all day long. So I spoke to him at my usual check up and told him I can’t handle the tired. So last week he cut me off Zoloft and put me back on Wellbutrin. The reason I am writing this post is to tell you about my Zoloft withdrawal as it seems to be called from what I found online. So first of all, I feel more awake, could be the meds switch, could be my mind making me think that, I don’t care all that much, I am just so excited to have some energy. I also have stopped gobbling down everything in sight. But since the day after stopping Zoloft I have had vertigo, like crazy hardcore vertigo and brain zaps, all the time. The vertigo is so annoying. If I am sitting I am fine, but the minute I move, my brain makes me feel like it’s slishing around in my head and I lose my focus and really feel like I am going to fall over and it sucks. Then I get these little weird zaps in my head which are kind of annoying. The only other thing I’ve noticed, is 2 days later I woke up and had such a tightness in my chest and all my chest muscles, I sat down, I really thought I was having a heart attack, it was a crazy squeezing. So there it is. My Zoloft withdrawal. To tell the truth they both have good points and bad points. I am worried that being back on the Wellbutrin,will give me more energy and make me feel better, but I am scared my anxiety will still be there, so I guess I wait and see. I was spending the past few days reading posts going both ways of both meds and decided to just stop. I figure people are going to spin them as they feel and everyone is going to be unique in their feelings and experiences.  I just wanted to share my experience so far with this crazy vertigo. This week my Wellbutrin is 150mg and next week he is increasing it and checking back with me in six weeks, so I’ll keep you updated. Feel free to share your experience and thoughts about both of these meds with me, I’d love to hear. 

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