you can leave already

My mother & I do not have a relationship. I don’t call her if my kids are sick, I don’t hang out with her if I don’t have too. I don’t call her to chat or anything like that. When my first born was born, she “couldn’t” make it to see me or the baby until 6pm the following night. My whole entire family and 2 best friends and their husbands, including my late 60’s aged grandmother made it out in the  snow around 10pm to see me and my new baby. My mom didn’t even call. My best friends mom called, my friends from work called, but not my mom. My dad came that first night, went to work and came back at 7am to see us again. The hospital does not have set visiting hours for babies, so my mom could have made it in the morning, she didn’t make work until 10:30, but no she just couldn’t come. That kind of bothered me. We haven’t been close since she “gave me” to my grandparents when I was 10, because she wanted to have her own life, I guess. But we see each other enough she could have come to see my baby. She didn’t give me a shower, my best friends did and my best friends mom did the second time.

But then the strangest thing happened, all of a sudden my mom and her weird husband who I can NOT stand, decided they needed to stalk us and see our baby. They came over a few times a week, when I was on maternity leave, whenever they wanted, even if me and the baby were sleeping. It was always early morning, and one time I was sleeping, the baby was sleeping and it was so nice and all of a sudden I wake up to someone pounding on the sliding glass, door, really pounding, I thought it was a robber, I was half asleep and I look up and it’s my moms f’ing husband. We lived in a ground floor apartment at the time, it was built into a hill with a fence all around, so he climbed the fence, in the snow, down a ravine. I was pissed, I was shocked, he did this all because I wasn’t answering the door, I was like I was sleeping, I have a newborn,he’s sleeping too. Then they would sit there and look at the baby or make noise until he woke up so they could hold him. Since then every weekend they come over and sit at our house for several hours a day on the weekend. When I say sit, I mean sit. They sit here, sometimes they fall asleep on the couch, sometimes they sit here and do nothing, not even talk for 3 hours or more. My kids are older now and they play outside with their friends or they like to play by themselves and yet they still come here and still sit here. I forgot to mention when my second was born premature and I was at a hospital 50 miles away, scared out of my life, they never came to see either of us. I was in the hospital here and then moved there for about 10 days, and they never came. My grandfather came a few times and he was in his mid 70’s at the time. But they never came and she called once, she said it was expensive to call long distance, and her husband has loads of money. When I lived abroad she never called me, it cost too much and I was there 5 years, she sent me some candy for Easter once, they decided that was also too expensive. So I can’t understand why she comes and sits here, why they take pictures and convince people they are so active in the grandkids lives, I never ever ask them to babysit and I try to not invite them to any of the kids activities. I don’t try to be mean, they just don’t feel like family to me. They sit here and do not talk, I mean she might say 5 words to me the whole day. Her husband is so weird, I just don’t even know where to start, he hates my dog and tries to push him away, he is rude to any waitstaff, he is rude to my neighbor kid, the kid is 4 and one day he was asking him something and the kid tried 3 times and he looked right past the kid and wouldn’t even acknowledge him. I have prayed and ask for guidance because I feel bad, since it is my mother, but nothing.  For several years they decided to take my kids for sneakers for school, which was nice. Every year they would also buy them a few outfits, also nice. Yesterday we went shopping and they decided after the shoe store it was too much to actually walk and move, so they declared they were ready to leave. We were at an outlet, and I had a few shops I wanted to go to. I was so upset, because it would have been nice for the kids to have some clothes, but nothing. I was so mad. I was mad, because as shallow as it seems, that is the only reason I put up with them, because they buy my kids stuff. I was hurt because then they will decide on their own to buy some clothes, my daughter will look like a 80 year old getting “dressed up” for a diner, and my son will get purple dress shirts and 3 piece suits- which and I am not lying, someone asked me if he wanted to look like an undertaker for Easter one year. When I was sick with my second child friends brought food and my grandfather would even go and get me food- my mom? Nothing. I sometimes think my mom would be ok, if she didn’t have his loser a** coming along all the time, the kids like her and I remember playing with her when I was little and it was fun, she used to go shopping with me too as I got older and while she was shy, she would talk to me or laugh and joke, but not  anymore. I truly hate being near them, my aunts don’t talk to my mom anymore, and I bet it’s because her husband is an a** and thinks he’s better than other people and does not talk to them. I guess sometimes I miss my mom. My grandmother was like a mom to me and I called her everyday and talked to her everyday and then she passed away over a year ago. I guess sometimes I get so angry because all my friends have moms and dads who are in their lives and their kids lives and who do things with them, have them over for dinner & picnics and stuff and both my husband and I don’t have that. We don’t have close family members. I have my aunt and she’s a bit weird, but she is who I have and my kids love her and I trust her and she means well. I sometimes wish my mom, would just choose me or not even me, but her grandkids now, and not have her husband. She’s been married to him, longer than she was married to my dad, but she’s not herself, she’d grumpy and I seriously think he’s a controlling d*ck just the way she says things, or how he makes all the choices. Yesterday she said we want to take you somewhere for lunch for your birthday, where do you want to go. I said I just came from a luncheon at church, I’m not hungry. He then declared we were going to Outback, which I hate, so I said no let’s go to Roadhouse, and he goes we’ll drive towards Outback and decide then. I was thinking don’t tell me to pick and then you pick anyway. How stupid is that. He actually told me one time, that I need to make “sure” my husband does not let my kids play darts in his garage, that the darts are too sharp and that when he told my husband he kind of didn’t care. I mean he doesn’t talk and then all of a sudden becomes a parent figure, even though he has no kids. I just can’t stand him, if I stop to visit my mom at her job where she is a waitress, she has to call him and tell him to come in to see the kids, she can not be with us alone for even 30 mins and she keeps calling him and calling him if he is not home, or she will suggest I sit there until he gets there. Her world revolves around him and I don’t know why. I don’t know if she chooses that, or if he’s that controlling. In my mind it has all the signs of a bad relationship (she had friends and now has like 1, he has made her siblings hate her, he drives her to work and picks her up, there was twice in 20 years she had a black and blue eye, but she said she fell and she is an alcoholic so, who knows). I just don’t care, and I feel so bad for not caring, but she must realize if she wanted to she could ask me and I would help her, she is still my mother, but then I also think she likes her lame life with him. I know there was mental illness in his family, so maybe he’s crazy. I don’t know. I don’t know either of them enough, to know if I am dead on or way way out of the park. I am just tired of having to have them in our life, Christmas we have to sit here with them and they purposely sit here and sit here, so that we are late for dads. Kids birthdays they invite themselves over and then I can’t invite my dad, because my dad hates her husband. Easter, I just go with dad and Thanksgiving I go with my best friends family. If it was up to me, we would go away every holiday just so I could ignore them. I just am going to tell my husband to not answer the phone when they call and I am going to do what I want on birthdays without them. They are weird and it stresses me out to be with them, I feel like the best I can do is just pray about it and kind of distance myself, I am just so tired of them,just sitting here, not playing, not talking just sitting here being weird, yesterday it was for 6 hours, come on now who does that? I don’t want to feel like I am a bad person for it either. UUUUGGGHHH


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