signs


I don’t know that I believe in signs from those that have passed. I am extremely curious about things like that and I believe in heaven, but I don’t think people who have left can communicate with us. I have been to many
“haunted inns”, walked on many ghost tours, have stayed at my friends parents home (over 300 years old and heard bumps, and furniture being moved when no one was home). I know people who claim kids can see and interact with the dearly departed, because they are open minded, my brother claimed to have played with some people who had the same names as my dad’s great grandparents who he never met, and also could see things and would have dreams about things that would happen. I had friends with siblings who have seen and talked to those who passed, that they never knew. I once stayed at my friends parents house to house sit and thought I saw someone in the upstairs window watching us, who when described, was her grandfather. I have a friend who lost her father as an adult who has dreams where he comes and speaks to her and also to her mom. My dad who had a problem with alcohol, claims one night his uncle who was killed in a drunk driving accident, came and drove him all over the county to bars and places he didn’t even know and talked about how he had to get his life together. Nearly everyone I know has had some kind of experience. I’ve been thinking about this, because I smelled my grandmothers perfume last night, as I was getting ready for bed. She passed almost 2 years ago and this is the third time I smelled her scent. The first time I came home and I swear I saw a kitchen potholder fly off the wall a few days earlier (and yes my husband and I tried to walk through it to figure that one out) well I came home and my whole kitchen was filled with the scent of my grandmothers perfume. I was with my kids and they went to go play in another room and it was so overwhelming, I almost doubled over and I think I had tears in my eyes, I couldn’t figure it out, I couldn’t place it, it made no sense. It made me happy and at the same time I was sad, I miss her so much and then a few minutes later it was gone, just like that.There was nothing serious happening in my life, it wasn’t an anniversary or birthday. The only other time was when I was upstairs and I just smelled her perfume real quick again, I then realized it was some new potpourri I had, so that was explainable. On the morning she died, (she passed maybe at 3am, we went to the hospital, went for some breakfast, came home around 8am), I declared at that point in time, having just lost my grandfather not even two weeks earlier (and they raised me), that I was going to be taking some Ambien and going to bed. I didn’t want to think, I didn’t want to talk, I just wanted to sleep. I didn’t want to answer calls or emails. As I was getting ready to go upstairs I heard my son say something about a bird in the kitchen, then since I was kind of walking in a daze anyway, my husband said Oh my God there is a bird in the kitchen and it was a gray mourning dove. There it was flapping like crazy in my kitchen. There were no windows or doors open and we have never had any birds in our house before. Here was this bird in my kitchen, so I was just like get it out of here. I wasn’t thinking deep. It was later that day, that my husband, the agnostic, who doesn’t believe in anything and doubts everything looked at me and said I think  that bird was a sign from nan, she’s ok, she was saying goodbye. I just looked at him. Could my grandmother have sent us a sign with a bird (she and I both liked to sit and watch birds at feeders), she was also a big fan of grey horses (don’t know about grey birds). I didn’t know, could you honestly send a sign from heaven or on your way to heaven? I usually try to look at everything rationally and for a long time, I kept waiting for a dream with my grandparents were they would say hey we are ok, we are here, it’s awesome, we will see you again someday or whatever wisdom dead people share, maybe they could settle the argument about family history, that none of us can remember, or maybe my grandfather could give us his numbers he would play on Derby day or my grandmother would tell me how to make her tomato soup, I also thought they might stop by my dreams and tell me how cute my kids are, how proud they are of how my husband and I are raising them, or say they will be okay when we are going to take them for a medical procedure, or say my husband would be okay when he went for surgery. But nothing. I had spent my whole life hearing people and watching tv and everyone always says dead people stop by in their dreams. What does that mean for me? Am I not cool enough? Do they not miss me as much as I miss them, since they are in heaven? I don’t know. Sometimes it hurts so bad, and for a long time I was waiting and I was so disappointed when it didn’t happen. So I’m starting to think I don’t believe people can talk to us when we they are gone. Maybe it’s a feeling you get or maybe it’s your brain when you are sleeping, I don’t know. But I also don’t know why I definately smelled my grandmother one day, there was no explanation at all for that. And maybe that’s what it’s supposed to be, maybe it is a mystery and that’s how God intends it. He knows I always try to figure things out, so He knows I wouldn’t be able to process a visit in a dream, I wouldn’t appreciate it for what it was, I would be trying to solve it. Kind of like this scent, I have no reason and no explanation, so I’m just happy it happened. I am hoping it will happen again through out my life.

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