Parents who shame online
Ok, I admit, I have no idea what this trend of “shaming” your kids online is all about. I can see how it’s sort of funny with dogs, who tear up the house.I have an energetic German Short Hair who has torn it up in his day. I also don’t know that’s it’s really bad to make a teen who steals to wear a sign and stand in front of a place busy with traffic, stealing is something one should never do. But then I saw a dad who shot his daughters laptop because she was not using it correctly or something, and that was weird. It’s a laptop, take the power cord and hide it in one place and the computer and hide it in another- shooting it was really really strange. But then there was this dad who hung a sign around his toddler/preschooler that said I went to the bathroom in the shower and my dad made me sign this contract that he can use this in my high school yearbook or something like that. WTH is that all about? Ok, maybe you could be pissed if your 15 year old went to the bathroom in the shower, a little kid, who is not school age, is still in the process of learning, they have accidents. I would love to have that dad show his face and put a sign around him that says my dad is a huge DB who can’t handle raising his kid so he resorts to this as a method of trying to help me in the growing and learning process. I mean really. My first thought is this kid can’t read and if dad read her the sign, then she probably felt like crap. She was probably already embarrassed and even if she did or did not grasp his whole idiot of the century method of parenting,who wouldn’t feel stupid wearing a sign around their neck and getting their picture taken? I’m sure that shaming a kid has long lasting effects, parents are supposed to love and support kids, not embarrass them.
Then there was the trending story of how someone found Kate Gosselin’s journals ( how does that happen), did she leave them to be found or did someone just want to get rich quick who had access to her? It stated she would spank her kids with a wooden spoon, for things like taking candy, etc. Kate is from the same area I am and this was the way I was disciplined when I was growing up. My grandmother wielded that wooden spoon and it didn’t have to be something major. And it hurt, it hurt real bad. And I think at some point, I started to think wow, if I am bad I get the wooden spoon and I guess I stopped or else I got too big, I don’t know. I know it made me fearful of when I was bad, and I feel like it made me honest, but I never loved her any less. My best friend, well her mom had the metal spoon, so I don’t know what was worse. Looking back, I am sure I was terrified, and I am sure it only happened a few times, but it’s not something when I think about it, that I am cowering with fear, or have bad memories. Now mind you I am not condoning child abuse, and I know some people are crazy intense and children are broken and that’s not right. I personally don’t spank my kids, with anything- hands or kitchen utensils. In my home, kids are respected and violence is not a solution to discipline problems. I can see why Kate might think that’s the way to go, but I think our generation since she’s also my age, should have left that behind in the 70’s with our parents and grandparents.
My problem is sometimes I just talk down to my kids and when I am upset I say things that are not 100% nice, as I am sure we all do. I don’t do it often, because I try to keep calm. But I have gotten upset and said things like how can you be so dumb,your room looks like a hoarder lives here, maybe someday we can be on that show-things like that. I don’t understand that part of human nature, making people feel like crap. Because I think we do it because it hurts but then I feel bad afterwards and then I feel like crap. I try hard to avoid this trap, but my grandmother also did that. She used to say the meanest things to me about my parents and them not wanting me, in order to make sure she had my love, she was so afraid I would pick them over her. I am by no means as cruel as that, because I stop myself, because unlike her wooden spoon, her cutting remarks did stick with me. For a long time I would always push away the people who loved me and who I loved, because I never wanted to be hurt, if I didn’t make a connection, it would be easy to forget when they hurt me. My husband pointed this out to me one day. It’s a control thing and a fear thing and I try very hard not to do it. But my parents gave me up and that has made it very hard to trust anyone to not desert me. But I am getting there. All in all I think kids are so fragile and they see and take in everything we do, so the best we can do is love love love them. Yes we will have frustration and we all won’t always see eye to eye, but I’ve noticed the best thing to do is talk about it and when my kids were little it was Magic 123 and then time out. It was the best thing for all of us. Any type of shaming or screaming or physical punishment is not right.