future


I don’t believe in chance, I think things happen because they are meant to. I believe we are where we are and that each thing we go through is there to teach us something. Today I had an encounter with someone and I kept asking why. Why was I there? What was I supposed to learn? I also kept asking myself why me? Why do stupid things happen to me, I try to help others and be nice. Why do all my friends never have stupid things like this happen? It was really bothering me. I hate messing up and that’s what I did. Then I was hit with the weirdest realization-that’s your future. My incident involved an older lady with the same last name and same car, only way newer than mine. She reminded me of my mom, in the way that I think little things bothered her a lot. It was me, it was the future me and how people would see me. It was how younger people would look at me. And that scared me. It scared me because on the outside life looked good, nice car, nice clothes, well kept. But I could tell it was the details, the control. My mom is so miserable, sitting next to her and her husband at a soccer game just drains your soul. I think she could be sitting next to Flo from those insurance commercials and deflate her energy. That scares me. I wasn’t raised by her but I have the same uptight mentality and I don’t want that to be me. I don’t want to look grouchy and be the mean lady, my mom doesn’t even have a boring stance, she has mean and uptight and that’s it. I saw how I would look to others and how it would probably make me feel and that was not good. I was so upset and decided I am done with negative. I want to send and be positive, I mean I know not every day is sunshine and rainbows, but I want to make the negative have a positive, I want to learn from things. I don’t want to end up old and uptight and worried, but with nice clothes and a nice car. There is far more to enjoying life than trying to be perfect.

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