My mind is filled with crap. Stupid crap that I think I need to do or remember or just random stupid thoughts. I think it comes from being on Facebook, while reading email, while watching tv, while texting, while supervising homework, planning a Sunday School lesson and thinking about dinner for the whole week. I have crazy mommy brain. I wish I didn’t have so much that I am always trying to juggle, because I think I could be creative again or a thinker, I always loved to think, but right now in this stage, I plan and I juggle. I would love to have some end of the day deep perspective like Rev Run on his show or even the Duck Dynasty guy on that show, but instead my end of the day, is one sentence in my gratitude diary and me hitting the pillow, to start all over again the next day. I’m in that constant round and round cycle of life. I wish I could take a step back and see what I am learning and really reflect on all the meaning in each day, but I don’t.
Today I went to a funeral. It was the funeral of my grandparents best friend ( or at least the husband part of their best friend couple) and being at a funeral makes people think. It makes us think of our own mortality. It makes us think about our families and loved ones, those here and those who have passed. Some people think about their relationship to God or what else they want to accomplish in this life. Very seldom do you get to see the impact you make on this world. Yes, if you are Bill Gates or Mother Theresa or Oprah, but not the average you and me kind of people on this Earth. When the man’s son was giving his eulogy he spent a good portion of it talking about my grandfather and his impact on his life and his father’s life. My grandfather, who everyone loved and knew. He spoke of how much he loved to mess with and tease my grandfather, how much he made him laugh, how heartily my grandfather made this guys dad laugh. He looked forward to weekends with my grandparents at his house. This just blew my mind. We like to think we lay claim on our kin, they form the memories with us and make us laugh and love and grow. But I never thought about the impact we can have on each other. My grandfather touched these other lives and was interwoven in this story of rememberance. How many of us will ever get to hear that? Yes, people will stand up and speak about the dearly departed, but they don’t often talk about others who have gone before who impacted them just as much. My grandfather was a special man. He loved sports and horse racing. He loved his grand kids and great grands. He loved corn flakes and Tang. He worked hard to provide for his wife and kids and then later in his mid life me. He played ball and bowled and golfed. He swore sometimes. He laid the foundations for many places I still see today. He was not afraid to cry when he was overwhelmed with emotion. But he wasn’t a politician, or a business man, he wasn’t a doctor or teacher. He was a regular American guy, who with jokes, and laughter, and the gift of gab, made people happy and made people at ease and people remember him for that. He touched hearts and lives with those gifts.
So many days I spend thinking of the next thing I need to do, or how to enrich my children’s lives, what masters degree I should pursue again when my kids are in school full time, where to live next, what to do in retirement- stuff that is not in my control, stuff that maybe a product of this world we live in. Stuff that doesn’t make me an amazing person inside who people will remember. It’s superficial stuff. So tonight I do have so time for retrospect and I want to think about how I can be more like my grandfather- a person who makes others laugh and just enjoy life and make memories, instead of the over-planner, over-achiever person I am now.