grace and prayer

There is so much that is happening in our world these days and too much of that is not good news. I don’t know if it’s because we are all online and have direct access to follow so much news coverage almost as it happens or if that is just the way our world is turning. Today I was driving home and I saw this woman pacing back and forth by the Salvation Army building and she kept screaming repent, repent, repent. That was odd because I live in a small town in the northeast, not the Bible belt. We aren’t an area overly known to be religious either. But to each his own, she seemed pretty determined and assured of what she was doing.
I’ve found myself clinging to prayer, prayers to keep my kids safe, prayers to keep my country safe, prayers to keep the world safe. A few years ago, I stopped watching the news. I was done with it, I hate all those whackos out there who hurt kids, I hate people fighting and innocent people getting hurt, I hate news of people robbing the elderly or incidents in school or natural disasters. I just stopped. I figured I would only read my news online and I choose out the feeds for positive news stories on my Facebook. But things creep in and I just kind of tried to not get sucked into reading them. Then the Boston bombing happened and I was glued to my tv. It seemed like I went to bed and woke up to chaos, which made me think of 9/11 and that same awful feeling of what happens when you are asleep. I couldn’t stop watching and I think it was because of all the kids, the boy who got killed and all the kids who got hurt. I never believed it when people said you won’t know how much the news will impact you about a kid until you have a kid. With 9/11 I was watching round the clock to find out why, I remember thinking if they figure out why, this won’t be so scary. I remember thinking of the people who were worried about loved ones and just feeling so sad, and so many other things, that words can’t describe. It was something unlike anything else.
I don’t know why random bad things happen now anymore than I did then. I just know to get through this life I need prayer, I need to cling to something bigger than me and bigger than this world. I need to peace of knowing my grandparents are safe in heaven and watching over us. That’s the only way I think we can do day to day in this current time.
I look at my kids and their innocence. I’m sure I had innocence too when I was young, but from about 6 on I was fully aware that we lived near a nuclear power plant and we had to do drills in school each month, and have safe evac plans in place, and that was scary. I didn’t understand how or what was scary, I just knew it was not something good. I would jump at every siren and it just took me until I was in high school to realize, I can’t live in fear of this.But then of course I have other fears- flying, driving with my husband 🙂 But my heart aches for my kids and all kids, because life is sweet when you are young and your world involves mom and dad and they protect you. I know in a few years they will see the news or read something or hear something and I will have to explain it to them. But how do you explain fear and danger when you don’t even understand it. How do you describe random weather acts to an 11 year old? How can tell your kids there are things in life bigger than mom and dad and things that just happen and they make us sad and they make us mourn for others. When you bring your first baby home you are so worried and so nervous about bathing, feeding, sleeping- everything. This tiny person is so precious and you think wow, if I can handle that, well than I can handle parenting without fear, but then your kids get older and you worry about how the world will effect them and that’s something you can only handle with prayer and grace. God Bless Oklahoma and all those families out there.


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