disillusioned


I don’t even think that’s the proper way to write or spell that word, but I am so not in the mood to check. I’m reflecting on my week and this is the word that I feel right now. I hate to say it but the world has gone crazy or at least my world or at least honor and respect. I’m involved in a situation which has to be kept confidential for many reasons and I found out very publicly tonight, that one member of my committee mentioned something to another person, who was not involved. This is after a few meetings and training and booklets instructing us to keep this to ourselves and to not even talk about it at home. I was dumbfounded. Who does that? Why couldn’t this person just keep their mouth shut? 

A few months ago I was in a little car incident. I supposedly scratched this lady’s car, and in retrospect I looked and looked and looked some more and there was no damage. I was being super cooperative, but I could not find one thing, but she kept going on and on that something had to be there. She of course filed a claim and I told the agent she was making a mountain out of a molehill, I sent proof with pictures I took. I really thought she would say no damage no big deal, don’t worry about it. I have done that, someone bumped my car with a cart or car door, no damage I don’t care. Someone taps my bumper while parking no damage I don’t care, but not this woman, she was uptight and mean and I was truly hurt that humanity can’t just treat each other with dignity and respect and not as another liability. My husband laughed and said I couldn’t be that naive. But here I am again. I agreed to keep my info to myself, not even with the family and someone else couldn’t do that, and I am shocked. Don’t people have integrity anymore. 

I was also slapped upside the head in an incident, when someone I hold very dear, said some very hurtful things to me and my husband. I didn’t expect it, it was uncalled for and I still feel hurt inside. I’m not perfect but I try not to judge and I try to not say things, I would not want said to me. It hurt that it didn’t just stop at me, but also included my husband, who is the top of the top as far as husbands go and he was super hurt. I have forgiven but part of me still feels tender and sad inside and I keep thinking about it. 

I guess sometimes I just really truth of truth expect people to follow the golden rule. I 99% of the time (unless I’m angry and being un-rational) treat people in a manner of respect and expect them to reciprocate. I try not to judge or be hurtful to people, because no one wins in that situation. I’m left feeling empty and saddened and I don’t know how the other person feels. I’m not that old, but I do think people just don’t care anymore. People care about themselves and don’t really put any thought into others. That bothers me a lot. I’m trying to teach my kids to not be like that, because it is so disturbing. So that’s where I am this Wednesday evening. 

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