SAHM the regret article
Did you read this article? I saw another blog mention this article and I was drawn into reading it. I must confess I have mixed feelings about being home with my kids. I know I am so blessed that we can have a one person income in our home so I can be with the kids, and help at school and so we could avoid daycare. I am very pleased with that. But I would be lying if I didn’t say, the days tend to be the same, and I struggle a lot with being down and having a low opinion of myself.
One of my favorite things of being home is reading to my kids. I would read to them all day long, if I wouldn’t go hoarse! I love to take them to historical places or museums, lately I’ve been enjoying just chilling and watching the Disney channel.
I don’t regret my decision, but it has been way harder on me as a person than I ever imagined. I never thought how much I would miss having a real purpose. Like the author my kids don’t think of what I do as work, and they don’t have an interest in how hard I worked to get my career to where I wanted it to be before them. Some days I just feel like a robot, going through the moves and not being appreciated. I think about how did my grandmother do this, day in and day out to raise 3 kids, and then to raise me and to babysit countless other kids? In my mind she loved to clean and make us food, but maybe she just did it and made the most out of it,I can’t imagine anyone loving cleaning. I think she was so happy, taking care of kids and her family, I think she would have chose that over any job. But in her day and age, ladies did that, they didn’t really have careers, so you wouldn’t feel any different.
I too feel like I’m not using my brain and all I worked for, but I have also decided to go back to school since the kids are older and change my career around totally and I would have never known that if I had not gotten involved in my kids schools, I discovered I want to work with kids. I’m older now and my career is going to be for the satisfaction of helping others and not just money. But since being home and having friends with kids, I do miss intellectual discussions, I miss performance reviews and goals, I miss being appreciated for working hard.
Like the author, my husband fell into the role of you are here all day, clean and cook. We used to share these chores and more than handling all domestic chores, I miss him seeing me a person who loves to discuss and talk about anything. I’m jealous he has projects at work and business trips with other grown ups. He easily fell into just seeing me as having this one role- house frau.
What has bothered me the most and continues to bother me, is the free time. My kids are older, I don’t like to watch tv during the day. After I finish all my housework, I feel silly to just sit off and read or play candy crush. I love to volunteer at church or at the kids schools because it breaks up the monotony of my day. Someday’s I think about how much I have changed, I use to be the go to person at work, I used to be confident and comfortable taking on challenges, now I am leery to even go back for another Master’s, afraid I won’t be able to keep up with younger students. I worry about forgetting things, or focus on making sure the kids have all sorts of opportunities and don’t miss anything. I stress about things like that. I cling to friendships and worry that someone will just stop being my friend, and then what will I have. I know my family loves me and I love them and it is nice to be able to have made this decision. I don’t want my kids to just remember mom on the weekends, because dad has a very time intensive and travel intensive job. I never wanted a day care to be raising my kids and seeing them during all the waking hours when they were little. I know there are some moms and mom bloggers who plan their days and crafts and experiences, they love just doing mom stuff all the time. I’m happy the author of the article was willing to share, her feelings, because not all moms feel this way. Just today I had a really down day, the kids were playing and chilling, and I just felt useless. I felt like what am I supposed to do. I starting obsessing over my calendar and upcoming things to do, so I felt like I had some kind of a purpose. I never expected to feel so out of it and so sad some day’s and I know I am not alone. Some people just need to be challenged and feel important and needed and have something tangible to do besides cooking and cleaning and picking up toys.