you can be frustrated at the NICU

When you give birth to a preemie you are a mess. You have regular pregnancy hormones, extreme stress and maybe health issues. When they take your baby to the NICU you feel like something is missing. You do. I remember being frustrated and jealous and angry with the NICU staff. I was frustrated because I couldn’t hold my baby- my flesh and blood because she was too fragile, but they could poke and prod and change her diaper, I couldn’t even stroke her tiny arms. I was really mad, because it was my kid not theirs. I was also so jealous, when I was at home and she was still there and the nurses were doing what I should have been doing as her mama. But looking back, I am so thankful for them, they do what they need to do, they are highly skilled and they do it well. They handled the smallest most fragile life. It’s totally normal though to feel so frustrated and just stuck like you can’t do anything or like things are not going your way, and in a way that’s true, you never planned to have a baby early. But all these years later I feel so blessed that we had an incredible NICU that my baby could be in. I still feel sad when we go for tests and the nurses can see her little IV scars, but I then tell her how special babies need special care and how she was such a special gift.
But you must always speak up if you have questions or thoughts, you are your childs’ advocate and your childs’ voice. Having a preemie is challenging- physically and mentally and they can sometimes need special care way past the first year.


About this entry