no financial value


I hate money fights. My husband is always in a bad mood round the clock about money. The thing is he also sees no value in what I do. I raise our kids, I take care of the house, I go to school, I work part time and in the in between I volunteer a lot for church, a community organization and the kids school. But because I don’t make a big income, he views me as less of a person, and if you asked me about this years ago I would never thought he’d be like that.
I pushed myself out of a low income upbringing with parents who gave me to my grandparents. I knew I wanted more and I fought hard, I paid for myself to go to a highly competitive private liberal arts college. I worked through college. After college I worked three jobs, even though I had a job with a salary, I wanted to always be working and be busy, I love to be busy and I love to be important. My husband never “assigned” me domestic duties when we both worked even after my first child was born, he valued that both of us were busy and our time was important. I left work when my oldest was almost 1.5 because my job wasn’t flexible and I found a part time job that could be. Things went downhill from there. Obviously part time not salaried income is less than full time salaried, but I became frugal, cut costs, shopped sales, etc. My second child was a preemie and she has some special needs and trips to doctors and therapists, etc. I spend a lot of time with her and working with her and reading to her and trying to help her with school and also my older child. But he doesn’t care. In his mind, I am basically doing nothing, but costing money. I wish we lived in a society where I had more options for jobs, but I am going back for another masters degree on top of raising a family and we do ok. We are not hungry, we pay the bills, we have vacations and sports lessons and cable. I get so upset when he makes a fuss, because he doesn’t think about how blessed we are, there are so many people who are really struggling and he is driven by greed and it has turned him into an equal rights kind of husband to a husband who sees me as a financial burden. He made me so mad yesterday with this non-sense. He took my Christmas excitement away, I don’t feel like presents and dinners and stuff like that. It’s not a fun way to be at the holidays or ever. Since he is driven by the almighty dollar, I guess after the holidays I need to get a FT night job or something in addition to my PT job and school and raising my kids. Throw in my tendency towards anxiety, after both of my kids I had post-partum depression. It’s so frustrating. I feel defeated, he makes me feel stupid and like I need to be doing something tangible- do I make time sheets of what I do all day and run it like a business? I mean I love working and I plan on doing so when I’m finished with degree. I loved having someone praise me for my accomplishments and to meet goals, you don’t get that when you are wiping off tables and putting cups in the dishwasher day after day. Moms don’t get a day off, not even on vacation or holidays. But that’s ok, because these kids are my life and I love them, I just wish I would get the respect I deserve from my husband and that it wouldn’t be tied to how much money I make.

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