pre-elampsia lasting effects

I had pre-eclampsia and it has changed my life. Some days I blame it for my stress and issues with my youngest. I still have blood pressure issues which I control with meds. But my baby has lasting effects.  Because of my severe pre-eclampsia my baby came six weeks early. Yes, the last six weeks can be uncomfortable anyway, but six weeks is a good deal of time early for a preemie.  I remember begging my doctor to try anything-meds, bed rest, anything but delivery, but I was too far gone with pre-eclampsia and it was starting to affect my organs and I had to deliver.  I didn’t have a smart phone, then so I couldn’t google it. The  nurses and doctors in the NICU were not much help because we were not a micro-preemie family. They kept assuring me that my child was pretty well developed and we wouldn’t have to worry about some of the things that go along with preemies. As I got better and she was still in the NICU I asked about books, websites, support groups, anything- I did not know one person with a preemie and they assured me that most of that would not pertain to our case and basically not to worry about it or read too much and get scared. This is itself is crap. Anytime a person has a pre-term baby they should be able to get information to help them deal, and yes she did not have a lot of the problems at birth that some preemies are at risk for, but her long term problems are what we deal with every single day.  Now that’s she’s in school her problems really weigh on me and worry me because I can’t fix them and make things right and it was my body that forced her early delivery. She has speech issues, sensory processing disorder, hyperactivity, separation anxiety issues, eating issues, learning delays and she is partially deaf. No one told me hey your kid might have special needs, your first few years are going to be so hard because your baby will be difficult and it will be extra hard, your life will be depressing because you will be overwhelmed and feel all alone. It’s hard to think that I was carrying a healthy baby and I delivered early and now I wonder about her future. She has some serious learning disorders and that scares me. Parents want what is best for their kids, and I worry about how school frustrates her and how she doesn’t like school. I worry that kids will pick on her for her speech and her hearing aid. It just gets me down sometimes. I wish more was shared and discussed and known about pre-eclampsia for moms to be. I wish the medical community could be more alert and caring and sharing info for parents of preemies. It’s been one specialist to the next with this child and nothing prepares you for that.  And it makes me sad that my baby has to go through this.  And it keeps me up at night some nights just thinking about her life and my life and our daily struggles and frustrations.  I just want moms of preemies to know they are not alone and you can get through this but you will have down in the dumps feel like crap days, that keep you up at night. Life is not rosy for anyone.


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