get by

I can write this as a look back and sometimes looking back gives you clarity other times not so much. I was driving and thinking about how all the times I’ve been really depressed and feeling like I don’t want to ever get out of bed, for the most part I have dragged myself out of bed and got on with my life. You wouldn’t have known it to look at me that I was feeling so sad and hopeless inside. I wouldn’t drone on about how awful life is, because I have never really thought that, it’s just more of a wave that washes over you, clouding your view- that’s my personal experiences. I always get up and go because I have people in my life who rely on me and to me wallowing in sorrow is incredibly selfish. I just thinking it must be like an actor, we see them play a part and your connect that part to them, but inside in the real them, they are probably nothing like that. That’s me when I’m depressed. I’m happy and kind and keeping busy and on the inside I feel gray, if you could feel a color. I think it’s just important again to know you can never judge a person, until you’ve been in their shoes. And again everyone is different, some people share and let it out, some people stay in bed and some people like me internalize.

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