restore in me…

So 2012 is my year of restore, that’s my word,my focus.  Last year I tried to work on not being a perfectionist, I tried to blog about it and getting my feelings out.  I made a list of joy moments each day for the whole year.  I wanted to change so bad, I wanted 2011 to be the year I could let go and relax. I truly think I won’t ever be able to change and that makes me sad.  I am so tired of all this non-sense waking up in the middle of the night to write down things I forgot to do, taking meds for anxiety, checking my to do lists,  having never ending to do lists. I just wanted to be normal, to not have control or what I thought was control over everything.  I wanted to focus and work on my problems and yes I did make some moves and changes in the right direction, but I am still a worrier and a perfectionist.  But this year I am going to focus on restoring myself, I’ve cut back on Facebook and also on all the feeds I get to read each day.  I want to get back to me and focusing on me.  I want to restore myself because I can not live in this period of frustration and anxiousness for the rest of my life.  So after a whole year of trying to change a little bit, even I think I am still the same uptight person I’ve always been. Will it ever change?